Unseen Guardian
by LordoftheInsects
Summary: If there was one thing the Mist ANBU expected when he was sent to kill a small blonde boy, it wasn't this. And if there was one thing Kakashi Hatake knew, it was that losing another member of his pack was not something that would happen again. Complete.
1. Yuto

**Honestly I had always wondered why so many assassins went after Gaara but never Naruto so I imagined Kakashi taking care of the assassins so this came to mind.**

* * *

For an ANBU of the bloody mist, one of the assassins that haunted so many nobles and high value targets minds, slipping past the chuunin security was child's play.

He had no idea why his higher-ups sent him to kill a child, not even for a client, but for the village, or so his Mizukage had told him.

But he was ANBU and an S ranked mission was an S ranked mission and the pay was definitely a suitable motivator of sufficient skill.

He always preferred to scout out his targets beforehand so as he approached the targets place of residence. Peering in the window he saw a small blonde boy sleeping on his bed.

"_Only blonde child in Konoha"_ the missions description had told him. This was most definitely the targ- OH DEAR KAMI THE ORANGE! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? In all his years he had never seen such an obnoxious color plastered to a piece of clothing. Across the walls he could see childish drawings seemingly featuring the blonde child as a shinobi. The only difference; the uniform, instead of being a forest green flak jacket like usual, it was a bright orange monstrosity that deserved the burn for all eternity and never let anything see it lest there be a thirtieth level of hell. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

Now properly terrified of what awaited him after his inevitable demise he decided to call it a night lightly dropping into the alleyway nearby and hengeing into a rather unremarkable individual with brown hair and the dullest and most unforgettable shade of brown eyes he could come up with, as though he was trying to equalize his eyes against the monstrosity he had seen in that…. Demon brat's lair.

He slipped out of the alley and made his way in the direction of the nearest and shadiest inn he could find. He slipped in tossed a few ryo on the counter said his name was Yuto because it was a shinobi village and no matter how shady the inn, they aren't stupid enough not to ask at least the person's name.

He hid his kunai and other weapons under a loose floorboard and a genjutsu nothing shy of a jonin or ANBU would be able to see past and went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning he prepared to scout out the target to get the most inconspicuous kill he could think of. He watched as the boy, thankfully not wearing that hideous jumpsuit, or he might just head back, announce the mission as a failure and request an immediate S ranking for a small blonde konoha academy student with a taste in clothing more deadly than than the five kage combined**.** He watched as the boy was told about a fight and spoils and the promise of friendship to anyone that brought back a prize from the hills. He watched as they discussed that the hills still may have ninja in them.

The perfect kill. The boy dies in the hill and no one knows any different.

The man under the alias of Yuto watched and waited for the perfect chance to strike. The boy had a kunai and was heading back. WIthout even a whisper the ANBU removed his own kunai and prepared to strike...when a chuunin with a brown ponytail and a scar across the bridge of his nose lept out of the forest and tried to bring the boy back to the academy. An academy teacher then. Perfectly believable if he fell victim to the nin prowling these hills as well.

He drew a second kunai and prepared to throw when someone beat him to the punch. Three figures, bodies covered in cloth jumped down from the trees. He would have sighed had he not been determined not to be detected. This chain of events was just silly. The blonde passed out and the chuunin took to the trees fleeing to the village as fast as his insignificant legs could carry him. The four ninja that he wouldn't want to see again, three of which he had already seen were in pursuit.

A kunai with a paper bomb flew past the chuunin but not towards the village. Rather the bomb was sent towards the three nin that worked together to bring us all this fabulously dull chase sequence. Now the mist shinobi was curious as to who was entering this mashup of stupidly bad luck now. When a ninja dropped onto a branch near the chuunin teacher he raised an eyebrow at the silver hair crooked headband and wondered where he had seen that mask before.

"Kakashi-san?" he heard the chuunin ask. Oh. Well fuck. The copy ninja. He decided a tactical retreat may be in order before the copy ninja unveiled his sharingan and undoubtedly would notice him. As he leapt away he heard the faint chirping of a thousand birds and decided he was glad he had decided to leave.

He felt only the briefest flash of sympathy for the poor ninja that had clearly achieved the less than desired place on Hatake Kakashi's bad side and slipped back into his room at the in.

Screw it. The brat dies tonight. This is sincerely the most most over the top ridiculousness he had ever encountered during an assassination. Screw subtle. Kunai across the throat and he was going home away from the ridiculousness that seemed to follow this boy.

* * *

That night he approached the window with a kunai in hand and quickly checked the surrounding area.

Faintly he could hear birds chirping. He thought it odd that there would be birds chirping this late at night. Wait. _Birds. Chirping. Louder. Silver. Mask. Death. Pain. _The ANBU twitched fell then never moved again.

* * *

As Kakashi Hatake wiped blood off of his arm he looked down at the body of the man who dared try to harm his pack, a bird masked ANBU appeared, removed the body. The masked man slipped back into the night with the body. He had noticed a faint chakra signal he hadn't recognized in the forest and discovered that a traveler named Yuto had slipped into the village past security. On inspection of his room he found the kunai and followed his scent, appearing just before the man killed the boy that his sensei had entrusted to his care. He wouldn't lose another of his pack. Never again.

* * *

**You might not be able to tell, but I hate Naruto's jumpsuit with a passion. Writing assassins is so much fun. I should do it more often. Also recently, as in 39 minutes ago, I got a review that brought up some good points. Moved the Author's note just for you. I do know what the fourth wall is, I hate it, it's lying destroyed in my backyard. And now for the good point. The dear assassin, paraphrased his orders as "the only blonde child in konoha", because I was considering having him state back the entirety of his orders before I realized that would make really crappy exposition. So instead I had him paraphrase his orders, scornfully in my mind, as he viewed killing just a child, above his skill level as an assassin. So he got bitchy. I am aware that there are Yamanakas and they are blonde, however, I have never seen a male Yamanaka of Naruto's age running around in anything as painfully obvious as his jumpsuit. This would have been in a private message however, you disabled those. Meanie. Also for anyone who had these thoughts occur to them as well. Tata.**


	2. Amami

**Haha I did make a sequel chapter after all! And sorry about not doing jack for a while. PROJECTS SUCK! TESTS TOO!**

Amami Kyousuke, Aka "The Needle", Mist ANBU commander was worried. Not that he would ever tell anyone. He was worried for two reasons. One: he hadn't heard back from the ANBU dispatched to kill Naruto Uzumaki. Two: He forgot his wife's anniversary. Both potentially Hidden Mist destroying incidents.

The leaf could have captured the dispatched ANBU and then declare war on the Mist, because while the ANBU Tako (octopus) hadn't known, he had, the boy Naruto Uzumaki was a Jinjuriki. And that would be bad if an assassination attempt had been foiled.

Yes, it was probably supposed to be a village secret, but they were about as subtle as the leaf village founder, Madara Uchiha, going on a rampage to destroy the world would be if that situation ever came up. But that would be stupid. So that won't ever happen.

And his wife, Michiko, was evil. And a master of earth jutsu designed to wipe out scores of opponents. Or level a village. Heavy emphasis on the village levelling tidbit. That part was kind of important. And scary. Very, very scary.

Of course all thoughts of those matter slipped from mind rather quickly when he was slammed into a wall, disarmed, and knocked out.

**MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**

He awoke to the sound of a frog ribbiting.

When he opened his eyes he saw an upside down frog. Nope, he was upside down. Yep, this _was_ a shitty week. He tried to move before realizing he was encased in wood.

Huh. That's unusual. This hasn't happened in at least three months.

He finally realized who got him there when he looked around and saw two figures standing in a tree nearby. Both in black cloaks. One, with a mouse mask. The other, with the mask of a hound.

Dammit. Very, very, very shitty week.

"Do not target the boy again. We would eradicate you. And it would be fun." Hound snarled. "Your agent discovered this already. And I always thought I would be more of a 'hands on' teacher."

And with that both vanished in a puff of smoke and swirling leaves.

"Well shit." Now he was stuck. And he was going to be late to his wife's make up dinner for the second time. The village was going to die.

**So I hope that was a good first go at human dialogue. I don't do that often. Eh. Whatever.**


	3. Ken

**And here's another chapter for all of y'all.**

Ken Watashi, senior field medic of the Mist ANBU corps considered himself quite well versed in the expectations and situations he may find himself in.

_Medic Rule 14:_ In case of hostile S-rank nin in the area with wounded comrades, get the fuck out.

_Rule 189:_ Don't leave the faucet running in the staff lounge, we may be the Village Hidden in the Mist but we do have a budget.

_Rule 200:_ In case of irritating, non-vital patient in need of urgent medical attention, fuck 'em. Ain't nobody got time for that shit! There's A-rank nin that need that easily replaceable, well stocked, gauze!

And so forth. Perhaps not the best set of rules, but they keep his pay high, and survivability higher.

But occasionally, a situation arises that can't be handled like that.

Sometimes you just have to make this shit up.

Like when you find the Commander, imprisoned in wood 20 kilometer out of the village. Poor Ken had no clue what to do in this situation. And so he let his thoughts be known, "Boss, how the hell did this happen?"

"Not important." Was he embarrassed? Yeah, he's blushing. Which means one of two things.

Something humiliating occurred, or something Ken did not want to think about his boss doing with anyone ever occurred. Because that's gross.

But Ken had once met the Commander's wife when he had first missed an anniversary dinner.

_**Twas a calm day in the ANBU irritated medic's anonymous meeting (AIMA). Asako was being a bitch, and Ken was sulking upon being rejected by Amaya yet again, when the boss was punched through the wall. The budget for that meeting floated up to 500,000 **_**_ryo for the wall and 600,000 for sympathy drinks. He spent that night surrounded by a lack of money, sobbing. Two days later he was admitted to the mental asylum where he stayed for two years before returning to his workplace. They never had an AIMA meeting again. _**

Yeah. It went something like that.

"Watashi! You just started spinning there for a minute. What happened?"

"MEMORIES! OH DEAR SWEET MEMORIES!"

"Ah. Those. I like those."

"YES!"

"You know what I like more than dear sweet memories?"

"No what?" Ken was staring at his Commander, sure of the infinite wisdom his boss was going to impart upon him, when his illustrious leader finally spoke.

"GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THIS WOOD!"

"Oh." Yep. Infinite wisdom. "I'll get on that."

"I'm glad we had this talk."

"...Me too boss."

A mere 10 minutes later Amami was free, and they began the 20 mile march back to the village.

About 3 miles in the commander piped up, "Got a snack?"

"Hmm?"

"A snack. You put it in your mouth, chew it, digest it for nutrients?"

"Oh those."

"Yes those."

"Here."

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

A calm silence falls over the duo. At least until it is broken by Ken, "You excited to see your wife again?"

"Oh yeah. I miss her."

"Mmmm, how are you going to make up the dinner you missed this time?"

It took twelve ANBU to keep the commander's kunai out of its master's chest.

**And that concludes the final chapter of Unseen Guardian, which effectively escaped the concept and turned into pure crack. Nailed it. And a big thank you to the people who gave this story a good review, positive reviews really help motivate me. Jeez, this went from serious with a few jokes, to jokes with a bit of seriousness, to crack. Huh. Fascinating.**


End file.
